Turning Leaves and Turning Pages in November

Everything I Never Told You follows the story of a Chinese-American family that grieves the loss of one of their daughters, Lydia. It jumps back and forth in time, unveiling stories from the parents’ lives before the children and how they met each other, as well as stories from the three children. The oldest child is Nath, then Lydia, then the youngest, Hannah. The father, James Lee, grew up lonely because, as a Chinese man, he wasn’t accepted by society and struggled to have friends. Because of this, he puts constant pressure on his children, especially his favorite child, Lydia, to fit in and make friends. He pushes her to go to every social event, wear only the things that “everyone is wearing,” etc. Controversy, the mother, Marilyn, grew up with the pressure of her mother to be the perfect woman. Cooking, cleaning, and searching for the perfect husband. But she dreams of being a doctor and doesn’t want this normal, expected life. Because of this, she forces Lydia to aim for more. Every day she goes over homework with Lydia, she puts her in classes meant for students in the year above her, and she only gets her science books for the holidays. All the while Lydia is receiving all this extra, possibly unwanted attention, her other siblings are neglected and receive virtually no attention. 

This novel explores many different themes. One of the most prominent is the balance between families and how parents reflect their childhood traumas onto their children. It’s so interesting to me the way that Marilyn and James pulled their daughter in two completely different directions without even noticing. They are so blinded by their own wants, that they can’t see what each other wants, let alone their daughter. This is the most obvious example of the way that the family didn’t understand each other.

One thing I can’t help but think about is the author’s point when making this interracial family not work. While I don’t think that she means that interracial families are doomed, I do think she means that they experience greater challenges. This novel explores intersectionality in such an interesting way. The struggles of being a woman, being a Chinese man and then being a Chinese-American girl with the pressure of becoming a doctor from one parent and being popular from the other. 

Another interesting aspect of this novel is the way that each character has their unique traumas and stories that shape them into who they are and how they interact with each other. It was hard for me to form opinions on each character because while I pitied them for their traumas, there are also plenty of ways in which each of them is flawed and harms each other. 

Overall, this novel is very captivating and it’s fun learning more about each character individually as the story goes on and reveals parts of their history from each of their perspectives. Additionally, I find this book interesting because of the way that you can zoom out and watch how each member of the family affects each other. It certainly made me think about my role with my family and friends and how my problems or traumas may be reflected in the way that I interact with them.